Sad State of Affairs

As a young child I dreamed of becoming the President. I was enthrawed by the process and truly believed in it. The notion that people united to stand behind a person that could envoke real change was awe inspiring to me. I talked about it so much my mother surprised me with a trip to Washington DC when I was in third grade. It was also then that my teacher told me becoming President wasn’t a possibility for me because I was born in Germany. Like all small children that believe their teachers, I let that dream go. I still wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn’t listened to that misinformed teacher. Please if anything know that what you say to a child can have a tremendous impact on them. Use your words wisely and don’t speak on things you don’t know. But this is not my full intention of writing today. My intention is to speak on my fears of this upcoming election and the state of the world as I see it.

For those that know me, I am somewhat outspoken in my activism and support for those that stand up for the marginalized. I have also been adamant about getting people to vote. As a biracial, bisexual and binational woman, I recognize all the people that fought for my privelege to do so. I am very concious of the millions of people throughout the world, that don’t have that right. When I go into the voting booth I am not only voting for myself but for children, my relatives overseas, and all those the died before me. Yet, as I have gotten older and become even more aware of the electoral process, I have come to a point where I now understand I had fallen in love with a fairy tale and that the system I so believed in is complete and utter bullshit.

I have had many conversations with friends that don’t vote and finally instead of trying to persuade them, I have started to listen. Countless times I heard how they refuse to participate in a corrupt and flawed system. Notions of not feeling represented. There is this overall apathy for the process because how can you tell someone that the minutes they spend in a voting booth will change the reality they live in. When you are struggling to pay your bills and constantly surrounded by poverty, you could give a shit what some politican is saying. When you are constantly being failed and tossed aside by a system that was not made for you, a system that cares more about money then it’s people, why participate? And for once in my life I am starting to understand what they’ve been saying.

This upcoming election I can honestly say have a canidate that I believe in. One that’s platform isn’t about hope but about action. A canidate that is turning the entire system on it’s head and showing it’s true colors. It is because of him that I have also seen how disjusting and one sided this whole thing is. It has exposed the curroption and started an awakening that I hope does not go away. I want to believe that he’ll make it and I will continue to do what I can to make that happen. Yet, I am saddened because through all this I have come to find out a woman that I admired is just as corrupt and fake as the rest. Through this I have learned that the party I so adamantly believed in is doing everything in it’s power to stop the canidate that truly embodies the values in which they pretend they stood for. Through all this I have learned that my vote doesn’t actually count… or at least not as much as others. Through this I have learned that a bought politican will do everything they can to ensure their money still comes in.

Today as I write, a blantant racist will be less then a mile away from my hose surrounded by supporters and protestors, to spew his hate and make a mockery of what I once believed in. Yesterday, 3 million people were denied the right to vote in the New York primary because they identified as independant. Weeks ago, thousands faced long lines and were too denied the right to vote. Months ago delegates were decided by a coin toss. Years ago a Presidential election was awarded to someone that didn’t actually win, because of a system set out to do what ever it wants, regardless of what it’s citizens decided. This coming Novemeber the system I once believed in, will be putting me in a postion to vote on a lesser of two evils… a corrupt professional politican, that will do and say anything for a vote or a corrupt narcassitic facist that does nothing but showcase the true evil that is what this country was built on… propandazing hate and distraction.

I can honestly say that I don’t know what I am going to do in November. What I do know is in May I will step into that booth and vote from my heart. I will support the canditate that I believe will stand up for me and my children. I will continue to do what I can to evoke the change I believe in through my activism. I will stand in my belief that my life, my vote and my actions do matter. I will constantly do what I can to still be that little girl that once believed in something. I will listen to my friends that are just as disheartened as I am and look for answers. I will not stop fighting for what I believe in, even if that means standing on the other side of the glass at the Statehouse and being a face of the oppressed. I will sit in my new realizations and do what I believe is right, which I guess is all any of us can do.

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