Intentions…

photo: John Gentry
photo: John Gentry
   My whole life I have always known I’d be a writer. I started off as the latch-key kid that had nothing but a pen, paper and occasionally a typewriter to keep me company. It didn’t take very long to become the tortured teenager, that wrote more in her notebooks than school books. I then became the spoken-word artist that was too shy to memorize. That let the business of promoting and hosting slowly kill my desire to perform. As I embraced motherhood for the third time I had even thought about becoming a children’s book writer. Thinking it was destiny that the program I had started years ago had found me again, quickly realizing that for-profit internet school’s computer’s are the only thing that know your “insert here” name. Then there is this blog. Which has become an a testament to my good intentions and failed promises to myself. And yet here I am again… intending and professing.
   I can say that I’d like to become some great blogger with millions of followers. I can say that my fear of being too honest has stopped me dead in my tracks. Perhaps I will lose friends and perhaps no one will read it at all. But here is where I’ll lay my truth. Even though it will live in the sea of never ending information, here is where I find myself the happiest. Here is where someday my children will finally see who their mother really was. I have been questioning what route I want to take in my life… politician, teacher, counselor, advocate, and even radical activist. Especially in these days that the media has us so over-saturated with the horrors of our generation, I’ve questioned what I can do to make my mark on the world. What can I do to ensure I did more than provide my kids with the bare necessities but also fought for them to have a better life? I was watching this interview with Sandra Steingraber and she was discussing how she didn’t want to be remembered as “a Good German”, one that just sat and let their fear stop them from standing up for what is right. This resonated with me any many levels. One being German and having family that died for what was right. The other being that, as a mother the one thing I don’t want to be is a complacent parent. A parent that is so consumed by soccer games and keeping up with the Jones, that I forget that I am a world citizen. Now I still don’t know what career I’ll choose to follow next. What I do know, is that every time I hear news of a child being murdered, a school having a segregated prom, a couple getting the shit beat out of them for being the same gender, a childhood hero being put on the FBI’s Most Wanted List or just Beyonce’s face (more to come on this)… I write. I am a writer and that is all I know.  Maybe you’ll read it, learn from it or even hate it. Here is where I’ll share it with the world.

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