Visions and realities of a sixth grade latchkey kid…

I always have to laugh when I think about the life I envisioned myself having as a child and the one I really have. In sixth grade we had to draw the building we pictured ourselves living in as adults. I of course had to do two different buildings. One was my warehouse loft in New York. The first level was going to be my retail shop that housed my clothing/ bookstore and art gallery. Each would be intertwined with the other, because what is fashion without art and we can get no where without literature. The second level would be my studio to make all the clothes, art and literature. Above those would be my living space. To tell you the truth I was pretty pissed when the movie BIG came out, simply because they took my idea of loft living.
The second house was my beach retreat. The place I would go to when the city life became too much and I needed to get away from it all. This one I put some originality in. This house would be shaped like a square doughnut. Keep in mind I was 11 and a doughnut was reasonable inspiration. Their would be two levels and every room would have a doorway that overlooked the swimming pool. Now that I am older I realize that I wanted to live in a hotel but that’s besides the point. All I knew is that I didn’t want a traditional house and that the pool needed to be the center piece.
Ah yes I was going to be this business savvy woman that was work before love. I had figured that once I had made my millions, went the world twice over I would then have kids and maybe even get married. It always amazes me how my mind worked back then. Other girls had there weddings already planned. I on the other hand would schedule love for when I was in my fifties.
I especially laugh about this after days like today. When I have to wake up two hours early to feed, pump and pack school lunches. My life is far from that young girls naive vision of work before love. In reality I have always lived for love before anything else. No matter how practical or logical I try to convince myself I am, love has always been my motivating factor.
It’s the quest for love in every aspect of my life that I yearn to fulfill. Doing everything I can to hear my mother say she’s proud of me. I ache for those moments that my kids walk up to me and say they love me just because they want to. It’s that 1 minute in my hectic day that I can look over at my man looking at our son with wonderment in his eyes.
It’s those moments that make it all worth it. They counteract the minutes when one son is trying to talk over the crying son to get my attention. They overshadow the times when all I want to do is sleep but I can’t because it’s dinner time and I have algebra questions to answer.
I may not be traveling the world or designing the next fashion trend, but I have more than I could dream. That latchkey sixth grader now has more love around her than she can handle sometimes. And I’ll take that over a square doughnut shaped house any day!

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